A fun predictions column

LETTING YOU KNOW WHAT WON’T HAPPEN

By Ed Odeven
American Reporter Correspondent
January 3, 2002

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — To put a new twist on the
obligatory annual prediction columns, this piece is
devoted today to things that will not happen in the
world of sports in 2003.

Barry Bonds doesn’t win the sports media’s Good Guy
Award.

Bobby Valentine doesn’t send a Valentine’s Day card
to his former boss, New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon.

Ken Griffey Jr., an injury-plagued, fading veteran,
doesn’t win the National League’s Triple Crown.

Yao Ming doesn’t win a championship ring in his first
year with the Houston Rockets.

Phil Jackson’s brand of Zen doesn’t slow down the
downward spiral taking place in La-La Land, and his
squad doesn’t four-peat.

Phoenix Suns rookie Amare Stoudemire doesn’t
disappoint in the season’s second half, doesn’t play
like the second coming of Ben Coleman.

Miami Heat coach doesn’t suddenly become best friends
with the NBA’s officiating crew.

Bill Parcells doesn’t waste the golden opportunity of
turning the Dallas Cowboys back into America’s Team.

The Rally Monkey doesn’t provide the Anaheim Angels
with a bounty of good luck.

College football play-by-play maestro Keith Jackson
doesn’t utter his final “Whoa, Nellie!” from the press
box.

Anna Kournikova doesn’t surprise anyone by not ending
her life-long drought (i.e., winning a tournament) on
the pro tennis tour.

Washed-up boxer Evander Holyfield doesn’t retire.

Former champ Larry Holmes doesn’t make a comeback.

Marv Albert doesn’t get a mohawk.

Edgerrin James doesn’t sport a toupee.

Swedish sensation Annika Sorenstam doesn’t win less
than 13 golf tournaments.

“The Ketchup Song” doesn’t receive non-stop airplay
at the World Sumo Championships.

Martha Burk doesn’t send Hootie Johnson the latest Hootie and the Blowfish album as a Christmas present.

Manchester United doesn’t lose three consecutive
matches

Relentless defender Ron Artest doesn’t make a habit
of smashing video cameras like he did after the
Indiana Pacers’ 98-96 loss Friday to the New York
Knicks.

St. John’s center Kyle Cuffe doesn’t become a
model/spokesman for a national manufacturer of
handcuffs.

The proposed thoroughfare in Atlantic City, N.J., to
be named after Don King doesn’t have enough potholes.

And finally, momentum doesn’t matter more than
execution (pick a game, any game) down the stretch.

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